Help Meet - Some Brief Thoughts

I've heard so many online friends talk about Debi Pearl's book Created to be His Helpmeet that I had to read it. For several years I immersed myself in what I call "Titus 2"-type books because my own life desperately needed it, but this was one that I had not read yet.

I will submit that The Church as a whole steers pretty clear of husband and wife roles. Biblical teaching is desperately needed in this area, just so we can get our heads and hearts straight.

Debi's book has some good stuff in it. (I have since returned the book so I can't really do "chapter and verse" quotations here, so please bear with me.) She talks about women who use their so-called spirituality to manipulate their husbands, and even usurp their husband's authority. There's also a goodish section on "what kind" of husband you have - either visionary, or dominant, or steady that I thought was worth consideration. Oh, here's a link to that on their web site. I also appreciated the fact that her discussion of modesty was balanced. We are NOT bound by the Law in any way, shape or form, and I have heard too many fundamentalists use the verse "Thou shalt not wear that which pertaineth to a man" to be a blanket condemnation of women wearing pants... or in the opinion of the late Jack Hyles, jean skirts (because denim is a supposedly an exclusively male material). But that's putting a 20th century spin on a verse that only applied to the nation of Israel. Debi does well to bring that out.

That said, this book made me a bit concerned. Some of it was Debi's overall tone/style of writing, which is just a personal thing on my part and not to be regarded as a just criticism. However, the overall impression given throughout the book is that if the woman just gets her act together, then her husband will too and all will be well. A giggle and a roll in the hay will put your marriage back on the right track, and if your husband's eyes/heart are straying, then it's YOUR fault because you aren't X, Y, or Z enough. Sisters. THIS IS BONDAGE. We are fallen creatures who do right only by the grace of God. And even if you are doing all the good/right you can before God and your husband, your husband may still walk away because of his own sin issues. Debi presents her topic with the approach of "if you do this, then you WILL have a heavenly marriage" and in reality, it does not always play out that way. Some women will come away from this book feeling incredibly guilty over things that they could not control.

She also interprets the whole David/Bathsheba thing, that Bathsheba was not discreet, thereby luring David to his doom. Debi condemns Bathsheba, whereas God is silent on this issue. Bathsheba wasn't doing her bathing in the common square where all could see...she went to the place where she'd have the most privacy-- her roof. DAVID was in the wrong place at the wrong time. And when a person is out of fellowship with God, their opportunities to sin increase. David, the absolute monarch, was in control of the situation, not Bathsheba. She was, essentially, chattel, forced to the whim of a man out of fellowship with his Lord.

Interestingly enough, several chapters later she brings up a discourse on Proverbs 31-- the stuff that Solomon's MOTHER taught him.... but does Debi mention that this is the self-same Bathsheba that she has already written off as indiscreet and the cause of David's moral failure? She does not.

Personally, I would recommend this book with reservations. Of course, with everything, you must be discerning with what you read. Glean the wheat from the chaff. If you're looking for a book that is absolutely saturated with God's wisdom, scripture references and principles based directly on the word of God....this is not it. This book has a theme verse per chapter, a few letters/situations from their readers, and Debi's solution to their problem.

For a book that drips scripture and wisdom based on Biblical principles, I prefer and recommend The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace. You can get it here, or look at an online weekly Bible study here. Second would be A Woman After God's Own Heart by Elizabeth George.