Friday, December 16, 2005

where have all the days gone?

Yikes. Been over a month since I was last here! I can only say it's been CRAZY busy, starting the 2nd week of November and continuing on to now. It all kinda began with my friend Lavonne's wedding, with Thanksgiving Day close on its heels, and smooshed together with piano performances and recitals and shopping and losing presents (argh, more later), and reshopping and and and.... you get the picture.

Been challenging with my dear son as well. Hating to label people, I still need some way to help ME understand what is going on here. Coming to the conclusion that he may be labeled as ODD: Oppositional Defiant Disorder.

Traditional discipline does not seem to work with this child. I type this, weeping. I do not know how to raise my son. I do my best to live by and apply Biblical standards in the rearing of my children. I hold them to the two rules set up by God: Honor your parents, obey your parents. Straightforward, simple. But challenging--emotionally!--when there is little to no response when those rules are not followed and discipline ensues. I ask myself what am I doing wrong? what am I not doing? I come up empty. I persist, because I must do what I am called to do by God, to bring my children up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

I grieve over this constantly. There's this whole Jeckyll-and-Hyde behaviour I see in him. I don't know what to do. I pray for God to change him. To change ME. But there's this latent scientist in me that wants to see a fixed outcome by following the procedures outlined in the Word. Hypothesis (if I follow the principles of the Word, my child will be obedient), procedure (follow the principles of the Word), record the data (my child is not obeying), interpret results (is my hypothesis therfore incorrect? Maybe I'm asking the wrong questions) =conclusion (Either God's Word does not work, which cannot be - or my hypothesis is wrong--which
is likely.)

Here's where the arminians and Calvinists chime in on the nature of sin and mankind.

On to the fluff side. Last night I was planning to go see my friend's daughter be a shepherd in a Christmas play. I missed the turn off to the subdivision where the play was being held (in someone's home) - and when I pulled into a parking lot to make a phone call to ask for further directions, I knocked one of my contact lenses out!

I was unable to find the lens in the darkness of my van (my van has no overhead lights; I took them out because of too many dead batteries caused by leaving doors open, etc) - so I made one last attempt to find the place, which I quickly abandoned, because all the headlights, taillights, and stoplights looked like so many glowing dandelions or dahlias in my fuzzy vision. I left a message explaining my predicament to my friend and carefully drove home, accompanied by the wails of my daughter, who was sorely disappointed to miss the play.

Today is the last day of school before Christmas vacation.........IF my children get to the 25% mark in LA, History and Math. S is close. D has like 3 maths left. History I'm not sure what's left. We'll see,. it's been a challenging morning.

It's COLD HERE! I'm going for a sweater.